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Thread: Broken down....

  1. #1
    Master Sorcerer ezereal's Avatar
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    Default Broken down....

    As much as I love playing growtopia, I'm just really broken down now myself emotionally.....

    For those of you who didn't heard about me from 2 years back about my parents, hi there, I am ezereal, an old time gt player and I'm 19 now. 2 years ago, my parents argued one night and I lived at my grandma house, and thus I made a thread about it then. (Idh the link to it but you might wanna check it out on my profile)

    Continuing the story 2 years later, so my parents eventually filed for a divorce in singapore, I was left homeless kinda because we had to sell off the house to pay my father's debt to his suppliers for his interior design firm since customers owed him a huge sum of money and he isn't assertive enough to collect it thus the debt. So we sold my house in march, and moved to a cousin's place. Mikewang, I know you might read this, please don't tell you know who about this thread, I beg you and I just want to keep it a forum thing alright? So my cousin over time got irritated since I mainly play vainglory or gt and talk to my friends into the morning in the past, till like 3am mostly and we were used to it because we just kinda clicked together you know, like we are all faced with our own life problems and thus are empathetic and get along better in a sense. So my cousin scolded me just now, saying "If I can hear your noise one more time from my room, you're gonna get it from me" and the thing is i'm like *** did I do to you? My gf has abit of static, I talked really soft and my gt was muted ( I just don't like playing games with sound mostly) and this wasn't the first time he sounded so straight.

    Like I'm not pissed that he is like that because it's his house, and everyone has house rules. But i'm really broken down myself, cos it really made me feel like ****..... like it's not the same as being pissed, but it's feeling like my existence was never meant to be, that my grandma should have not been let off in WWII to eventually come to my existence, I just don't get my purpose in the world no more..... My dad used to call me useless in the past, friends who turned their backs on me a year ago, everywhere I just keep feeling bad for existing, that people look down on me.... literally this forum and friends i've met online are the only people that I ever have felt comfortable in my life..... I really am in tears now typing this. I just don't know if I should really try running from home because I don't wanna feel bad for making my cousin and his family bear with me and me talking to my friends late at night..... I just feel bad enough as a human being, I don't know where exactly I belong in this world.... No, i'm not suicidal, but I once was back when I was bullied in school and felt miserable, but right now I just got to find a way out of this mess till my mom buys us a smaller home in november..... If anyone has any suggestions, please leave it below, thanks for reading
    IGN is Ezereal now. Feel free to add me in game Also check out my new Art Instagram growtopia account here : https://www.instagram.com/ezerealgt/...d=qpen3zu2x9np

  2. #2
    Master Sorcerer Ohlid's Avatar
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    Hey, ezereal. I remember you from long ago, though, unfortunately, I was cognizant of your difficulties.

    Running away from home is not a good idea. Although the ruminating over being a burden can easily push you to that thought, you are worse-off, and your family and friends are worse off. If you honestly try to make the best of your situation and try to shift toward being independent, I think that would be enough to assure your cousin that you are trying and make up for any accidental inconveniences you may have caused.

    You have my sympathies, and so I wish you the best of luck in the future!


    EDIT: Sorry if this comes off as insincere. I cannot directly help you out, but if you need any advice, I am here for ya.
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  3. #3
    Master Sorcerer myLocation's Avatar
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    We R community,
    just chill bro and calm down.
    i think imo, you are nice guy to me. if other bully you just let them be.
    "They didnt know who you are"

    and also
    i've been your old friend from 5 years now.
    it's been so far but and we are old friend already haha
    Growtopia is a game that connects each other by sometimes doing rough time
    like me i ever said "I'm dumb and got bullied" but time passed by
    i learn from my dad by how the jobs works, time pass by i changed alot.

    like from "playing GT 24/7 no sleep to play less amd submit Hw im everytime.
    also if you got bully just remember karma is real
    ”Put your heart, mind, and soul into even your smallest acts. This is the secret of success.”



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    Quote Originally Posted by Ohlid View Post
    Hey, ezereal. I remember you from long ago, though, unfortunately, I was cognizant of your difficulties.

    Running away from home is not a good idea. Although the ruminating over being a burden can easily push you to that thought, you are worse-off, and your family and friends are worse off. If you honestly try to make the best of your situation and try to shift toward being independent, I think that would be enough to assure your cousin that you are trying and make up for any accidental inconveniences you may have caused.

    You have my sympathies, and so I wish you the best of luck in the future!
    Yes, running away from home isnt a good idea, i also felt so miserable and so broken last time, you could check my latest threads, but i did not lose hope, i was like "shall i run away from home? Where should i go? Kill myself, NO! I shall bear the pain because i know everything has an ending" you can wait until november and you can apologise to your cousin about talking to your friends late at night and continue to lower your voice. But hey, isnt november near? Cheer up bud, were here for you

  5. #5
    Master Sorcerer myLocation's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Queenie- View Post
    Yes, running away from home isnt a good idea, i also felt so miserable and so broken last time, you could check my latest threads, but i did not lose hope, i was like "shall i run away from home? Where should i go? Kill myself, NO! I shall bear the pain because i know everything has an ending" you can wait until november and you can apologise to your cousin about talking to your friends late at night and continue to lower your voice. But hey, isnt november near? Cheer up bud, were here for you
    so true.
    "Life is hard don't make it too hard"
    btw ezereal
    if you need to chitchat with me just dm me through ig
    ”Put your heart, mind, and soul into even your smallest acts. This is the secret of success.”



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  6. #6
    Lesser Wizard Meme.'s Avatar
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    You need a hug, mate. no homo

    (insert virtual hug here)
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  7. #7
    Master Sorcerer ezereal's Avatar
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    Guys I know running always isn't really my best idea here, but I just can't find a peace of mind staying, I always feel like an outsider, and I'm fine with that, it's only when i'm starting to feel inferior or looked down by others that I start feeling useless and ****.... I really wish it didn't have to come to this but Idk... chances are i will ask my aunt (my only relative on my dad's side) to let me stay at her place with my grandpa since they are like 2 people living in a house after my grandma passing...... I just need to seek a home for now, and I know her house is abit more soundproof and at least through this whole ordeal of my parents divorce, she has been there for me and my sister the whole time....
    IGN is Ezereal now. Feel free to add me in game Also check out my new Art Instagram growtopia account here : https://www.instagram.com/ezerealgt/...d=qpen3zu2x9np

  8. #8
    Master Sorcerer loyalty's Avatar
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    hey man im not good with these things but uh


    but please do not give up, running away isn't going to help at all. We're here for you, Stay strong.

    ''For indeed with hardship there will be ease. Indeed, with hardship there will be ease.''

    Stay Strong,ezereal.
    真の幸福を達成.




  9. #9
    Master Sorcerer ezereal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by boyinblue View Post
    hey man im not good with these things but uh


    but please do not give up, running away isn't going to help at all. We're here for you, Stay strong.

    ''For indeed with hardship there will be ease. Indeed, with hardship there will be ease.''

    Stay Strong,ezereal.
    idk how to say I just don't wish to live anywhere feeling like i'm an outsider and a disturbance living there
    IGN is Ezereal now. Feel free to add me in game Also check out my new Art Instagram growtopia account here : https://www.instagram.com/ezerealgt/...d=qpen3zu2x9np

  10. #10
    Master Sorcerer Liquify's Avatar
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    that really sucks,I know how it feels to be alone. worst one ever

    since last year till now
    my parents tend to argue quite often,I honestly think it's better for them to get a divorce,like,my mom would threaten to leave the house just to win an argument,she did it a few times and my house isn't always so peaceful. my dad would oftenly put his anger on me and my siblings,my siblings are quite annoying and they like to argue through the most little things too,and I'm not allow to actually slap them for going overboard.

    Last year,my grandmother would criticize the sht outta me almost everyday and compare me to the rest,tell my relatives how bad my grades are and stuff,really ruined my mindset,started being down and filled with anxiety and low self esteem,would cry myself to sleep sometimes. no one knew till I broke down in school one day and the teacher sent me to the counselor which didn't really helped,they told my parents about it,my parents would just give some typical advice and stuff and bring in religious bullcrap into it,saying I'm not praying enough and stuff, they'll blame it on other spirits or smth. that eventually made me more sad and hopeless,I would sleep in class every so often since my classmates beside prefer to talk to other people and I'll be left alone,so I just sleep so often and my grades just drop

    I argue with my grandmother every so often till one day,it was really heated and kinda broke some stuff and self harm stuffs,and that's when she finally stfu for good

    this year started quite bad with missing some classes,not being able to catch up in science courses and just feeling like completely sh i t,my home environment isn't the best and I got separated to one side in the class,and that's when it all comes back to the same thing like last year

    these few weeks has been better for me,class seating plan gotten rearranged, actually had someone who I enjoy talking to and he does too and my cousin came back last last week (already left) and we had fun

    your cousin is mikewang? one of like the biggest dummies in the forums,didn't knew he was double the dumb irl. have you tried talking to your aunt or uncle about it? or do they not care? I don't think you can leave the house,there's not much you can do unless you have a friend who have a house of his/hers alone and is willing to bring you in

    and for you hissing friends,screw them honestly,should try to make new friends who have that good vibe. I wish u the best I don't rly have much to say or help
    IGN : Liquify

    To be talkin' to you,belladonna

  11. #11
    Master Sorcerer ezereal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Liquify View Post
    that really sucks,I know how it feels to be alone. worst one ever

    since last year till now
    my parents tend to argue quite often,I honestly think it's better for them to get a divorce,like,my mom would threaten to leave the house just to win an argument,she did it a few times and my house isn't always so peaceful. my dad would oftenly put his anger on me and my siblings,my siblings are quite annoying and they like to argue through the most little things too,and I'm not allow to actually slap them for going overboard.

    Last year,my grandmother would criticize the sht outta me almost everyday and compare me to the rest,tell my relatives how bad my grades are and stuff,really ruined my mindset,started being down and filled with anxiety and low self esteem,would cry myself to sleep sometimes. no one knew till I broke down in school one day and the teacher sent me to the counselor which didn't really helped,they told my parents about it,my parents would just give some typical advice and stuff and bring in religious bullcrap into it,saying I'm not praying enough and stuff, they'll blame it on other spirits or smth. that eventually made me more sad and hopeless,I would sleep in class every so often since my classmates beside prefer to talk to other people and I'll be left alone,so I just sleep so often and my grades just drop

    I argue with my grandmother every so often till one day,it was really heated and kinda broke some stuff and self harm stuffs,and that's when she finally stfu for good

    this year started quite bad with missing some classes,not being able to catch up in science courses and just feeling like completely sh i t,my home environment isn't the best and I got separated to one side in the class,and that's when it all comes back to the same thing like last year

    these few weeks has been better for me,class seating plan gotten rearranged, actually had someone who I enjoy talking to and he does too and my cousin came back last last week (already left) and we had fun

    your cousin is mikewang? one of like the biggest dummies in the forums,didn't knew he was double the dumb irl. have you tried talking to your aunt or uncle about it? or do they not care? I don't think you can leave the house,there's not much you can do unless you have a friend who have a house of his/hers alone and is willing to bring you in

    and for you hissing friends,screw them honestly,should try to make new friends who have that good vibe. I wish u the best I don't rly have much to say or help
    my cousin isn't mikewang, but my cousins son is his friend irl in school. My aunt has been spoken to, and she offered me to stay and put up at her place until my mom gets us a new home, I am now looking for a way to convince my mom to let me move in to my aunts place.... Hopefully that works out .-.
    IGN is Ezereal now. Feel free to add me in game Also check out my new Art Instagram growtopia account here : https://www.instagram.com/ezerealgt/...d=qpen3zu2x9np

  12. #12
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    don’t do anything stupid bro, trust me when i say you WILL regret it later on. just chill, find yourself. i hope you find yourself on the right path soon man.
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  13. #13
    Master Sorcerer ezereal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Croix View Post
    don’t do anything stupid bro, trust me when i say you WILL regret it later on. just chill, find yourself. i hope you find yourself on the right path soon man.
    I spoken with my aunt, she is ok to let me move in with her. My family is just messed up abit and i'm stressed also maybe because i'm afraid people would look down on me for this, but ye now at least I got a place to move out to for 4 months
    IGN is Ezereal now. Feel free to add me in game Also check out my new Art Instagram growtopia account here : https://www.instagram.com/ezerealgt/...d=qpen3zu2x9np

  14. #14
    Lesser Knight 7enz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ezereal View Post
    I spoken with my aunt, she is ok to let me move in with her. My family is just messed up abit and i'm stressed also maybe because i'm afraid people would look down on me for this, but ye now at least I got a place to move out to for 4 months
    if u need someone to talk to, just message me in game we can be friends

  15. #15
    Master Sorcerer Deftera's Avatar
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    Hi ezereal, it's been a long time

    I'm bad at cheering people up, but good luck on your difficulties
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  16. #16
    Master Sorcerer HugeLock's Avatar
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    If I were you, I'd go see a therapist to discuss these things with, it could really help you. Good luck, I wish you all the best!
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  17. #17
    Master Sorcerer DreadVoidGT's Avatar
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    Damn..thats deep.

    Good luck..
    Why are we still here?
    Just to suffer?

  18. #18
    Master Sorcerer Viju's Avatar
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    It may be a difficulty living your life right now, but with hope and motivation - I'm sure you can rise up independently, yes, some friends and people may help but it's only you who can bring yourself up to success.

    I do wish you the best! We're all here for you.
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  19. #19
    Master Sorcerer ezereal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Viju View Post
    It may be a difficulty living your life right now, but with hope and motivation - I'm sure you can rise up independently, yes, some friends and people may help but it's only you who can bring yourself up to success.

    I do wish you the best! We're all here for you.
    thanks viju, in the end, my aunt just asked me to stay at my cousins house cos like she didn't feel it would be good if I move out and my mom and my sister will feel embarrassed in a way towards my cousin. I don't know it's just idk the kind of feeling? or vibe? like I owe someone a favour to rent me a room here for me to stay in, when really I don't think anyone would wanna rent a room at someone else's house if they can choose not to, and my aunt is much more closer to me in terms of like family closeness kinda thing.

    i've seen people above who asked me to go to a therapist/counselor. I understand because I've been to those before when i was younger and my family problems were starting to emerge during my national exams and I got really pissed and moody in school everyday that my teachers just directed me to those kind of helpers. But really I know myself and i'm the kind of person who cares more about personal pride and face than anything, so mostly I'll just find another excuse to blame my mood on than tel them about my parents, I just don't want it to get out (since news spreads quickly in a school) and then those counselors will call my parents and ask them about my family problems. I mean I like people who open a listening ear since I do too for others sometimes, but I preferred it if whoever who does can keep it to themselves and privately handle it than say a school counselor....
    IGN is Ezereal now. Feel free to add me in game Also check out my new Art Instagram growtopia account here : https://www.instagram.com/ezerealgt/...d=qpen3zu2x9np

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