how growtopia works!
Thanks for 500 views, epicly epic milestone 8/27
Last update: 8/27/2019 12:06AM PST
ok im a veteran player, been playing growtopia since 1969 the day minecraft was released and im gonna teach you how growtopia works
note this is entirely satire so dont go full fledge rambo on your keyboard about to curse my entire existence.
NUMBER 1: GAMEPLAY
1) if you dont like doing the same thing, over, and over, and over, and over. delete your account.
2) if you are going through puberty, please excuse yourself to "LOVE"
3) if you want a nice girly set, it must have at least one of these items: Pacifier, Bunny ears, bunny, puppy, mini you, cat as a hat, eyes, arms, legs, shoes, diaper
4) if you want a nice boy set, it must have at least one of these items: fedora, seafoam item, flashy wings, big wings, small wings, glasses, focused eyes, fedora, emo hair, sad boy death scarf, fedora, leaf, fedora, fedora, many fedoras.
5) if you are younger than 6, go back to fortnite.
6) if you are good at Minecraft PVP and get at least 17 cps, please excuse yourself to the growtopia support email, and ask where your sponsor item is.
NUMBER 2: PEOPLE
1) be prepared to learn new words from players, today i learned the words "****", "****", "***", "*****", "**", "***".
2) be prepared to encounter wild pokemon.
3) find local gamblers at your local casino and have them teach you cool magic tricks.
NUMBER 3: CURRENCY
"growtopia isnt about wealth, its about enjoying the game."
if you agree with the statement above please go to child protection services and tell them that your parents based your entire life on fantasy, just like their love for you.
1) you're nothing without world locks
2) if you dont spend at least 300 world locks on your set, you are classified as homeless and will be cut in half by 2020.
3) if you want to make world locks fast, get a job and buy them.
4) if you want to make world locks the traditional way, there are special steps for that
STEP 1: farm grass constantly until you question your existence.
STEP 2: farm colorful blocks to show your pride
STEP 3: farm until you reach 100 hours playtime every 2 weeks for a year.
STEP 4: farm some more
STEP 5: farm
STEP 6: Quit growtopia
STEP 7: Return to growtopia a couple months later
STEP 8: Become a sugar mommy or daddy
STEP 9: Become a famous gambler
STEP 10: gamble some more at time square as a street performance
5) say no to casinos no matter how tempting they can be sometimes.
6) just say no to casinos, they are no good.
7) stick to normal drunk gambling in real life, slinky, your pixelated locks are worth more than your well-being.
8) pull yourself together man, its not worth it.
Number 4: EVENTS
1) Don't worry, not everything is about farming, farming, making profit, farming even more, Because there is EVENTS!
Yeah you aren't dreaming! There are events anyone can enjoy!
There are around 70 events every year!
However they arent just for anyone!
50 of those events cost a lot of world locks, so if you are poor, you might aswell kiss those events goodbye, but don't worry there's christmas,
However christmas is only fun if you invest some world locks in it...
I mean, WE HAVE HALLOWEEN!
Halloween is the biggest gamble of growtopia, in fact it's an even bigger gamble then being in one of growtopia's state of the art casino.
Y'know what, ignore that, the only event that is free and fun occurs once a year and it is Super Mod Dance Party, im out.
Number 5: CREATIVITY
Growtopia has some of the most creative souls, like these worlds here:
NOW TIME FOR TIPS ON HOW TO GET RICH
Let's be honest, everyone wants to be rich, in fact, anyone that isn't currently flexing 400 diamond locks-
im looking at you jamew7 with your "Don't judge noob with your families rent in his pocket" BS
Well, anyone who isn't doing whatever in gods name jamew7 is doing, you're most likely depressed.
Number 1: BUY LOW, SELL HIGH!
I have an amazing example on this tip, by myself.
Number 2: FARM
hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahaha hhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahah ahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahaha hahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahah ahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahaha hahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahah ahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahaha hahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahah ahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahah
have fun with your life if you find this strategy is good
Number 3: INVEST IN STUFF!
There are so many things to invest in, you just have to choose!
Do you think you could be good at investing in property, or real estate?
Well investing in Purple Thongs is the way to go for you!
Do you think you could be good at investing in clothing?
You should invest in worlds with good names!
Do you like working with weapons?
Well guess what buckaroo, Afghanistan is in need of troops, and you might just be the perfect choice! We are shipping you tomorrow.
TIME FOR ACTIVITIES TO DO IN GROWTOPIA
Number 1: PARKOUR
want to rip hair out of your head?
want to potentially go super saiyan?
want to scream nonstop until your vocal cords stop working?
try parkour.
Number 2: GAMBLE
The only reason gambling in casinos is illegal in growtopia, is because they want everyone to gamble at GROWGANOTH and with their Christmas Calenders and with all their other activites!
Ubisoft's whole existence in growtopia is to encourage gambling with their cool items?
Let's pay 20 world locks for this calendar which I have no idea what i will get from it and I will most likely get nothing worth 20 world locks!
Let's drop these golden angel wings which are 66 diamond locks in GROWGANOTH and hope I get a lucky marble!
Let's buy a 800 diamond lock name and then potentially have Ubisoft change my name, so then I end up paying 800 diamond locks for the name "growcatcher02835"
JOBS
Let's review some of the jobs our growtopians have!
Number 1: SURGEONS
Growtopia has some of the best uncertified and unqualified surgeons! Most surgeons are 10-16 years old, with no medical training at all, so don't worry, you'll be in very good hands!
Swallowed a 34lb world lock by accident?
Don't worry, they can help you with surgery.
Got self esteem issues?
They'll send you to the intensive care unit and have you on life support.
Got severly wounded in an accident, and many of your bones are broken?
Put a bandage and walk it off, sissy
I'm making a Hospital VOTW, it should be ready on August 28-29, i'll be sure to spam you all constantly to watch it.
Number 2: FISHERS
In GrowTopia, we have so many fishers, even Thailand looks at us in shame.
But there are different types of fishers.. So you need to choose which one you want to be in growtopia!
The Irony Fisher
The Noobie Fisher
The Organized Fisher
The Pro Fisher
Number 3: FARMERS
Probably the most miserable workers in growtopia, Farmers!
Yeah, if anything, these guys should receive awards from how much they work,
i mean just imagine, breaking chandelier after chandelier after chandelier, and after 4 hours of breaking chandeliers, they break peppers for 4 hours, and after that, the clear a world by hand, and then they farm more, and farm, and farm, and farm.
These people are the most dedicated players in growtopia, because they are dedicated to keeping their misery alive.
Number 4: Traders
These guys are the brains of the items, they decide and choose how much items are worth, by far the most active people in the community.
The only downside is that only the rich people make big profit, if you are using any less than 10 diamond locks on profiting, please expect 2-5 world locks profit every hour.
wasted makes it look easy
fin
Thanks for all the love <3
ill update this if i feel like it, youre not my mom.
Originally Posted by slinky
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