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Thread: how growtopia works!

  1. #1
    Lesser Wizard slinky's Avatar
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    Exclamation how growtopia works!

    Thanks for 500 views, epicly epic milestone 8/27
    Last update: 8/27/2019 12:06AM PST

    ok im a veteran player, been playing growtopia since 1969 the day minecraft was released and im gonna teach you how growtopia works
    note this is entirely satire so dont go full fledge rambo on your keyboard about to curse my entire existence.

    NUMBER 1: GAMEPLAY

    1) if you dont like doing the same thing, over, and over, and over, and over. delete your account.
    2) if you are going through puberty, please excuse yourself to "LOVE"
    3) if you want a nice girly set, it must have at least one of these items: Pacifier, Bunny ears, bunny, puppy, mini you, cat as a hat, eyes, arms, legs, shoes, diaper
    4) if you want a nice boy set, it must have at least one of these items: fedora, seafoam item, flashy wings, big wings, small wings, glasses, focused eyes, fedora, emo hair, sad boy death scarf, fedora, leaf, fedora, fedora, many fedoras.
    5) if you are younger than 6, go back to fortnite.
    6) if you are good at Minecraft PVP and get at least 17 cps, please excuse yourself to the growtopia support email, and ask where your sponsor item is.

    NUMBER 2: PEOPLE

    1) be prepared to learn new words from players, today i learned the words "****", "****", "***", "*****", "**", "***".
    2) be prepared to encounter wild pokemon.
    3) find local gamblers at your local casino and have them teach you cool magic tricks.

    NUMBER 3: CURRENCY

    "growtopia isnt about wealth, its about enjoying the game."
    if you agree with the statement above please go to child protection services and tell them that your parents based your entire life on fantasy, just like their love for you.
    1) you're nothing without world locks
    2) if you dont spend at least 300 world locks on your set, you are classified as homeless and will be cut in half by 2020.
    3) if you want to make world locks fast, get a job and buy them.
    4) if you want to make world locks the traditional way, there are special steps for that
    STEP 1: farm grass constantly until you question your existence.
    STEP 2: farm colorful blocks to show your pride
    STEP 3: farm until you reach 100 hours playtime every 2 weeks for a year.
    STEP 4: farm some more
    STEP 5: farm
    STEP 6: Quit growtopia
    STEP 7: Return to growtopia a couple months later
    STEP 8: Become a sugar mommy or daddy
    STEP 9: Become a famous gambler
    STEP 10: gamble some more at time square as a street performance
    5) say no to casinos no matter how tempting they can be sometimes.
    6) just say no to casinos, they are no good.
    7) stick to normal drunk gambling in real life, slinky, your pixelated locks are worth more than your well-being.
    8) pull yourself together man, its not worth it.

    Number 4: EVENTS

    1) Don't worry, not everything is about farming, farming, making profit, farming even more, Because there is EVENTS!
    Yeah you aren't dreaming! There are events anyone can enjoy!
    There are around 70 events every year!
    However they arent just for anyone!
    50 of those events cost a lot of world locks, so if you are poor, you might aswell kiss those events goodbye, but don't worry there's christmas,
    However christmas is only fun if you invest some world locks in it...
    I mean, WE HAVE HALLOWEEN!
    Halloween is the biggest gamble of growtopia, in fact it's an even bigger gamble then being in one of growtopia's state of the art casino.
    Y'know what, ignore that, the only event that is free and fun occurs once a year and it is Super Mod Dance Party, im out.

    Number 5: CREATIVITY

    Growtopia has some of the most creative souls, like these worlds here:
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    NOW TIME FOR TIPS ON HOW TO GET RICH
    Let's be honest, everyone wants to be rich, in fact, anyone that isn't currently flexing 400 diamond locks-
    im looking at you jamew7 with your "Don't judge noob with your families rent in his pocket" BS
    Well, anyone who isn't doing whatever in gods name jamew7 is doing, you're most likely depressed.

    Number 1: BUY LOW, SELL HIGH!
    I have an amazing example on this tip, by myself.


    Number 2: FARM
    hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahaha hhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahah ahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahaha hahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahah ahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahaha hahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahah ahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahaha hahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahah ahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahah

    have fun with your life if you find this strategy is good

    Number 3: INVEST IN STUFF!

    There are so many things to invest in, you just have to choose!

    Do you think you could be good at investing in property, or real estate?
    Well investing in Purple Thongs is the way to go for you!

    Do you think you could be good at investing in clothing?
    You should invest in worlds with good names!

    Do you like working with weapons?
    Well guess what buckaroo, Afghanistan is in need of troops, and you might just be the perfect choice! We are shipping you tomorrow.

    TIME FOR ACTIVITIES TO DO IN GROWTOPIA

    Number 1: PARKOUR
    want to rip hair out of your head?
    want to potentially go super saiyan?
    want to scream nonstop until your vocal cords stop working?
    try parkour.

    Number 2: GAMBLE
    The only reason gambling in casinos is illegal in growtopia, is because they want everyone to gamble at GROWGANOTH and with their Christmas Calenders and with all their other activites!
    Ubisoft's whole existence in growtopia is to encourage gambling with their cool items?
    Let's pay 20 world locks for this calendar which I have no idea what i will get from it and I will most likely get nothing worth 20 world locks!
    Let's drop these golden angel wings which are 66 diamond locks in GROWGANOTH and hope I get a lucky marble!
    Let's buy a 800 diamond lock name and then potentially have Ubisoft change my name, so then I end up paying 800 diamond locks for the name "growcatcher02835"

    JOBS
    Let's review some of the jobs our growtopians have!

    Number 1: SURGEONS
    Growtopia has some of the best uncertified and unqualified surgeons! Most surgeons are 10-16 years old, with no medical training at all, so don't worry, you'll be in very good hands!

    Swallowed a 34lb world lock by accident?
    Don't worry, they can help you with surgery.

    Got self esteem issues?
    They'll send you to the intensive care unit and have you on life support.

    Got severly wounded in an accident, and many of your bones are broken?
    Put a bandage and walk it off, sissy


    I'm making a Hospital VOTW, it should be ready on August 28-29, i'll be sure to spam you all constantly to watch it.

    Number 2: FISHERS
    In GrowTopia, we have so many fishers, even Thailand looks at us in shame.
    But there are different types of fishers.. So you need to choose which one you want to be in growtopia!

    The Irony Fisher
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    The Noobie Fisher
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    The Organized Fisher
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    The Pro Fisher
    Name:  e.PNG
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    Number 3: FARMERS

    Probably the most miserable workers in growtopia, Farmers!
    Yeah, if anything, these guys should receive awards from how much they work,
    i mean just imagine, breaking chandelier after chandelier after chandelier, and after 4 hours of breaking chandeliers, they break peppers for 4 hours, and after that, the clear a world by hand, and then they farm more, and farm, and farm, and farm.
    These people are the most dedicated players in growtopia, because they are dedicated to keeping their misery alive.

    Number 4: Traders

    These guys are the brains of the items, they decide and choose how much items are worth, by far the most active people in the community.
    The only downside is that only the rich people make big profit, if you are using any less than 10 diamond locks on profiting, please expect 2-5 world locks profit every hour.
    wasted makes it look easy

    fin

    Thanks for all the love <3
    ill update this if i feel like it, youre not my mom.
    Last edited by slinky; 08-28-2019 at 02:24 AM.
    ign: slinkyman
    started playing in July, 2019.
    Growtokens 37/200
    Goal: Growtoken Doggy
    Guild: SOUL (GL)
    YouTube Channel
    World: SLINKYSTUDIOS
    Level: 23

  2. #2
    Lesser Wizard TheFlyingE's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by slinky View Post
    ok im a veteran player, been playing growtopia since 1969 the day minecraft was released
    bio says you’ve been playing since July 2019

    Sorry I don’t trust nubs smh

  3. #3
    Lesser Wizard slinky's Avatar
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    if you wanna fight, fam we gon' fight
    ign: slinkyman
    started playing in July, 2019.
    Growtokens 37/200
    Goal: Growtoken Doggy
    Guild: SOUL (GL)
    YouTube Channel
    World: SLINKYSTUDIOS
    Level: 23

  4. #4
    Lesser Wizard Scawt's Avatar
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    Ahh Thanks for the Guide, It helps a lot!

    (this actually makes me question my whole existence)
    tu me manques.

  5. #5
    Lesser Wizard Zynek3's Avatar
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    This is peak Growtopia meme, everything else is downhill from here.
    Give a man a wl, and he will learn to rely on you.
    Teach a man to make wls and you'll set him up for success.
    IGN:Tellicant Main:U9

  6. #6
    Master Sorcerer Crunchyy's Avatar
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    this thread is 169696969420420420% accurate its not satire

    I'm fooken 12 and hate life. Fook school
    Slowly building up a fake persona~
    Discord: scr0nchi#1435

    Attachment 223346
    -tq rimouiii


    Pwease visit www.allureofnds.net :3as



    [

  7. #7
    Master Sorcerer HugeLock's Avatar
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    If ya' don't want to be gay, you are not allowed to farm anything with color. Only black, white, grey blocks are allowed!

    Really good logic!
    🇫🇮 Ephus (GL)

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    Started in July, 2013. But only recently joined the forums!

    "No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted."
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  8. #8
    Master Sorcerer Crunchyy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HugeLock View Post
    If ya' don't want to be gay, you are not allowed to farm anything with color. Only black, white, grey blocks are allowed!

    Really good logic!
    if u farm those then ur a rasisisisisissiis ! !

    I'm fooken 12 and hate life. Fook school
    Slowly building up a fake persona~
    Discord: scr0nchi#1435

    Attachment 223346
    -tq rimouiii


    Pwease visit www.allureofnds.net :3as



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  9. #9
    Master Sorcerer HugeLock's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Crunchyy View Post
    if u farm those then ur a rasisisisisissiis ! !
    Ah, if you don't want to be a gay racist, beg for items. Most beggars probably think that way.
    🇫🇮 Ephus (GL)

    _______________________
    Started in July, 2013. But only recently joined the forums!

    "No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted."
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    Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ephusgrow/?hl
    Avatar made by NekoWolf

  10. #10
    Lesser Wizard slinky's Avatar
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    updated 1 bump
    ign: slinkyman
    started playing in July, 2019.
    Growtokens 37/200
    Goal: Growtoken Doggy
    Guild: SOUL (GL)
    YouTube Channel
    World: SLINKYSTUDIOS
    Level: 23

  11. #11
    Master Sorcerer Crunchyy's Avatar
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    pls keep updating

    I'm fooken 12 and hate life. Fook school
    Slowly building up a fake persona~
    Discord: scr0nchi#1435

    Attachment 223346
    -tq rimouiii


    Pwease visit www.allureofnds.net :3as



    [

  12. #12
    Lesser Wizard
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    pft get on my level, I played since the civil war in the 19th century ended

  13. #13
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    Your making me laugh oml

  14. #14
    Master Sorcerer Maroczy's Avatar
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    Those rendered worlds should really be in WOTD. Clearly the mods don't have good taste in world building.

    A NEET but has a stable job at a cafe

    Would try to help whenever possible,except for trying to be social,of course.

  15. #15
    Master Sorcerer Felixcesar15's Avatar
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    why did i exist
    ...

  16. #16
    Lesser Wizard Chronel's Avatar
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    You should own START.
    IGN: Pentavus
    Level 60
    I L I K E F A R M I N G

  17. #17
    Master Sorcerer Phantic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HugeLock View Post
    If ya' don't want to be gay, you are not allowed to farm anything with color. Only black, white, grey blocks are allowed!

    Really good logic!
    agreed hahahahahahahahaha
    ”u say u don't care, but in ur heart, u really do."

    ign: phantic
    discord: darkphantic#7895
    public insta: @somedrunkasian plez follow

  18. #18
    Lesser Wizard slinky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BeAWolf View Post
    pft get on my level, I played since the civil war in the 19th century ended
    Me and the rat that started the bubonic plague created growtopia in 1369
    ign: slinkyman
    started playing in July, 2019.
    Growtokens 37/200
    Goal: Growtoken Doggy
    Guild: SOUL (GL)
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  19. #19
    Master Sorcerer Lopyhupis's Avatar
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    I’m dead inside now
    Found this XD
    Quote Originally Posted by Seth View Post
    My bad, forgot Growtopia is a mobile game as well.
    1 DL Art Contest!
    https://www.growtopiagame.com/forums...t-1Dl-(Snakes)

    CHEAP SURG-E IN LOPYSURG

    FREE DAILY BFG IN LOPYBFG


  20. #20
    Lesser Wizard slinky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lopyhupis View Post
    I’m dead inside now
    welcome to the world rookie
    ign: slinkyman
    started playing in July, 2019.
    Growtokens 37/200
    Goal: Growtoken Doggy
    Guild: SOUL (GL)
    YouTube Channel
    World: SLINKYSTUDIOS
    Level: 23

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