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Thread: I can sell literally anything

  1. #1
    Master Sorcerer Nick_Furry's Avatar
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    Default I can sell literally anything

    So yeah, since I work for an advertising agency in real life, writing a sales pitch is one of my expertise.

    Try me! Name a product (and its description, if you may) and I will try my best to write a sales pitch from it.
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  2. #2
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    You. (unless you are telling me you are not for sale)

  3. #3
    Master Sorcerer xolotyl's Avatar
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    Lets say im a vegan,try selling me a pack of bacon strip.
    IGN:xolotyl
    Mainworld:XOLOTYL(duh)
    Hello,I am an artist who knows how to draw but can’t draw.
    #earthancient!

    My pain may be the reason for somebody’s laugh,but my laugh will never be the reason for somebody’s pain. ’ -Charlie Chaplin

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    Master Sorcerer Oma357's Avatar
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    A piece of
    Description : the average you would do everyday
    Join our Jahy-Sama discord server

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  5. #5
    Master Sorcerer Nick_Furry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by xolotyl View Post
    Lets say im a vegan,try selling me a pack of bacon strip.
    What's your purpose in life? to reproduce and maintain the esxistence of the human race? or to die so that your body may give another life a chance to live and to grow? you see, when you die, you don't just blipped out of existence but instead, your body or atleast, what's left from it will become nutrients to soil the earth and to feed as well to recreate another form of life. That's your purpose, my purpose, our purpose!

    so what does this has to do with veganism? veganism force us to eat vegetable and reward us with a longer lifespan. but does it worth it? you see, veggies don't taste so good, they're green, unappealing, bitter for most of the time, or even tasteless. and even more, they don't sizzle when you cook them. you eat veggies and feel miserable because it don't taste so well and you're granted with a longer life, sounds bad already. and I haven't even mentioned that you wouldn't be able to live a purposeful life as I told you because being a vegan means having a skinnier body. NO extra fat. means no nutrient for mommy earth

    On 4th of july you don't wanna come home to your family to grill some fresh leaves and light up a firework, no. uncle sam doesn't want that to happen. no, Uncle Sam wants you to cook those juicy and fatty slices of bacon for your family.
    eating bacon releases endorphin to your brain which stimulates the mitocondria the same way from consuming xanax.
    eating bacon is your destiny. it is what you were destined for, live a short yet happy times away from all those veggies and die as a hero for mommy earth. goddamn I love bacon.
    セックス大好
    ANTIHERO WAS THE REAL OG

  6. #6
    Master Sorcerer Nick_Furry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GrateNPowder View Post
    You. (unless you are telling me you are not for sale)
    please not that from this sales pitch I'm targeting women from the age range of 25-32 years old.


    The average lifespan of a cat is 2 to 16 years. rookie numbers. compare this with the life expectancy of an american woman that is 71.1 years. so if you want to live with only cats as your companion you will have to at least went through 4 heartbreaks due to the death of your cats. 4 Heartbreaks, that's quite a number for your heart and soul to endure both physically and symbolically.
    Research shows that a heartbreak could increase the risk of developing other heart-related issues, imagine having 4 heartbreaks.

    Men on the other hand, have the life expectancy of 69.9 years, so mathematically you'll only have to experience 2 heartbreaks, or if you're lucky enough, none. since on human culture we don't usually meet our lifelong companion until the age of 25.

    not only that having cats as your companions may cause any heart-related condition, cats until now, is not qualified for most formal occupation, meaning that they are unable to provide you, which can be done by men.

    I'm a man as well,a healthy, good looking, and quite skillful man. I can totally provide you for the rest of your life for only the price of a good old rendezvous on happy island once a week. quite an investment ain't it?
    セックス大好
    ANTIHERO WAS THE REAL OG

  7. #7
    Squire MuIsCoOl's Avatar
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    Lmao, then try selling some old outdated item I haven't seen in years like Apples
    POSITIVELY,
    No Casinos Allowed.

  8. #8
    Master Sorcerer xolotyl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nick_Furry View Post
    Yep convincing enough.
    IGN:xolotyl
    Mainworld:XOLOTYL(duh)
    Hello,I am an artist who knows how to draw but can’t draw.
    #earthancient!

    My pain may be the reason for somebody’s laugh,but my laugh will never be the reason for somebody’s pain. ’ -Charlie Chaplin

  9. #9
    Banned
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    make one about cancer pls

  10. #10
    Master Sorcerer DynPlaysGT's Avatar
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    Sell me a dragon.
    You don't even have to convince me, you just gotta get me a dragon somehow.

    Quote Originally Posted by hunt2man View Post
    Dyn has been here for so long I feel that he's a lich or something.

    oh yeah btw my discord is @Dynnie#3475

    Avatar and sigpic by the amazing Mistrella, thank you so much!

  11. #11
    Knight CrazeeManeeak's Avatar
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    Sell me a samsung but I'm an apple user
    Hi! My name is basically CrazyManiac...
    Lovely to meet everyone!

  12. #12
    Master Sorcerer YumYumCookie's Avatar
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    A pre-owned sock. Not a pair. Just one.
    IGN: Cress
    — 𝒥𝑒 𝓋𝑜𝒾𝓈 𝓁𝒶 𝓋𝒾𝑒 𝑒𝓃 𝓇𝑜𝓈𝑒. —
    “𝒟𝑜𝓊𝒷𝓉 𝓀𝒾𝓁𝓁𝓈 𝓂𝑜𝓇𝑒 𝒹𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓂𝓈 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓃 𝒻𝒶𝒾𝓁𝓊𝓇𝑒 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁.”

    Avatar by the lovely Sharox.

  13. #13
    Master Sorcerer Skullifer's Avatar
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    I listen to pretty much only metal. Try to sell me an Ariana Grande album

    Contact Me:

    Growtopia's biggest whale collection!

  14. #14
    Master Sorcerer ChickyBro's Avatar
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    Try to sell me an anime soundtrack album.
    MyAnimeList ChickyBro
    I don't think I can call myself a weeb right now, btw I love Aisaka Taiga.

  15. #15
    Lesser Knight Afgoo's Avatar
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    Sell me my own shoes?

  16. #16
    Master Sorcerer Vale0203's Avatar
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    Try selling me fallout 76 subscription. I never even tried that game. (falloutfirst.com might help you)

  17. #17
    Master Sorcerer Nick_Furry's Avatar
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    Well this is getting out of hand, will try to do all of em later.
    セックス大好
    ANTIHERO WAS THE REAL OG

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